EMDR for Painful Sex
Couples Counseling, Sex, Therapy No Response
Painful Sex?
If sex is one of the most natural things in our world, why is dealing with painful sex so common? I’m a Certified Sex Therapist and I talk with people every day about sex. For women or people with vaginas, painful sex can be devastating. Folks who have intercourse with someone who is experiencing pain is also a difficult experience. Unless it’s a specific kink, most people have a hard time feeling turned on when their partner is in pain.
Why is pain during sex so common?
I have my (non-double blind study) theories. Many people who were brought up and socialized as women were not taught or encouraged to get to know our bodies in an intimate way. By the time a woman is ready to have sex, they might not have enough carnal knowledge of themselves to be able to ask for what they want. This can result in having penetrative sex before they are aroused enough which can be painful.
Sexual trauma or just bad sexual experiences can live in our bodies and that makes intimacy a reminder of bad (or dangerous) sex. That anxiety can cause muscle tension and pain. This can be especially upsetting when you’re in a loving relationship and your partner doesn’t understand why sex doesn’t feel good.
How can therapy help?
I like using a combination of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Sex Therapy tools to help my clients enjoy sex and improve conditions like vaginismus and genito-pelvic pain/ penetration disorder.
What does treatment for painful sex look like?
First I always suggest my clients see a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist. These professionals are EXPERTS on this part of your body and can assess what is going on both internally and externally. This helps us rule out any physical issues.
In therapy, we spend some time getting to know each other and learning about your sexual history and anything that might have happened in your life to contribute to this current pain. The cool thing about EMDR is that we don’t need to talk about the details unless you want to.
EMDR is an evidence-based body-mind therapy that uses the bilateral stimulation of your brain to help process and heal trauma. You can learn more about it here: Learn About EMDR and you can read about why I love EMDR here.
So we use EMDR to address any associated trauma and simultaneously I’ll work with your Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist to give you mindfulness exercises to do at home to help reduce anxiety and pain.
Can I come with my partner?
Absolutely! It’s wonderful when partners want to be a part of treatment. In this case, I can give you and your partner exercises to do together at home to reduce anxiety around sex, decrease pain, and improve intimacy. When we meet for therapy, we’ll discuss your experience at home and process any difficulties that may have come up!
Have questions? Contact me and we can set up a free 15 minute phone call and I can answer all of your questions!