…it’s the most wonderful time of the year (but maybe not for your sexual connection)

The holidays are here: a time for twinkling lights, endless to-do lists, and seeing family you may have avoided during the rest of the year. While the season is supposed to be about joy and togetherness, for many couples, it’s a time when intimacy takes a back seat. Between the office parties, travel plans, gift shopping, and managing family dynamics (yes, Aunt Linda, we know who you voted for), improving the sexual connection with your partner might feel like just one more thing on your overstuffed plate. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Here are some ideas to help you stay connected—and even deepen intimacy—with your partner this holiday season:

1. Redefine Intimacy for the Season

First, take a deep breath and let go of any pressure to make intimacy look a certain way right now. Maybe you’re not going to have the steamy, candlelit nights of your dreams when you’re hosting your in-laws and sleeping in your childhood bedroom. But intimacy doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. A quick, shared laugh in the kitchen or a slow, warm kiss before bed can go a long way in keeping you connected.

2. Prioritize “Us Time”

Between juggling social events and Netflix holiday movie marathons (yes,  Love Actually is my guilty pleasure), it’s easy to forget about carving out time for just the two of you. Make a point to schedule even 15 minutes a day to check in with your partner. Whether it’s a cozy cuddle, a shared shower, or a playful moment after the kids go to bed, these small pockets of time can rekindle intimacy.

3. Talk About It

Holidays are a great time to practice open communication about what you both need. Are you craving more touch, but your partner’s been so stressed they’ve forgotten how to hug? Or maybe they’re feeling a little overwhelmed trying to pay off the holiday credit card bills? Have an honest, nonjudgmental conversation about your desires and what’s getting in the way of connecting right now. Remember: talking about sex isn’t unsexy; it’s actually one of the keys to a better sex life.

4. Lighten the Load (Literally)

Let’s be honest—it’s hard to feel sexy when your brain is cluttered with thoughts about holiday meal prep or whether you remembered to move the Elf on the Shelf. Take some tasks off your plate, or better yet, delegate them. (The Elf doesn’t need to be zip-lining across your living room; sitting on a shelf is literally its job.) Lightening your mental load can free up space for intimacy and pleasure.

5. Get Playful

The holidays are a time of magic and wonder—so why not bring a little playfulness into your sex life? Share your silliest holiday fantasies (matching elf outfits, anyone?) or try something new that’s low-pressure and fun. Sometimes, laughter can be the best aphrodisiac.

6. Create a Ritual

In the midst of all the chaos, create a small, intentional ritual just for the two of you. Maybe it’s a nightly hot cocoa date where you talk about your favorite moments of the day, or a “no phones after 8 p.m.” rule to focus on each other. These rituals don’t have to be elaborate, but they can help you reconnect and stay present.

7. Remember: Sexual Connection Is a Gift

The holidays can feel like a sprint to the finish line, but intimacy isn’t a task to check off your list. It’s a gift you give each other, one that can bring you closer and remind you why you’re navigating this hectic season together.

This holiday season, give yourself permission to slow down, laugh a little, and find moments of connection with your partner—no matter how big or small. Because sometimes the best gifts aren’t under the tree—they’re the ones you create together.

Ready to deepen your sexual connection? Let’s talk. Schedule a session with me to explore how you can nurture intimacy and build a stronger relationship all year round.