5 Ways Sexual Trauma Might Be F’ing Up Your Sex Life
Sex, Therapy, Trauma No Response
Trauma, especially sexual trauma has a way of sneaking into the places where we feel most vulnerable—one of those places being the bedroom. If you’ve ever felt disconnected from sex or struggled with intimacy in ways that don’t quite make sense, unresolved trauma may be playing a role.
Here are five ways trauma might be F’ing up your sex life—and, more importantly, how healing can help.
1. You Have Difficulty Letting Go
One of the most beautiful parts of sex is the ability to surrender—to lose yourself in an experience of intimacy, connection, and pleasure. But if letting go feels impossible or even unsafe, unresolved trauma might be getting in the way. Processing that trauma can help you feel secure enough in your body to relax and surrender to pleasure.
2. You Struggle to Trust Your Partner—Even When They Haven’t Done Anything Wrong
If you feel hesitant, guarded, or uneasy with your partner—even when they’ve done nothing to break your trust—past sexual trauma might be resurfacing in response to the vulnerability of intimacy. This can be confusing for both you and your partner, but it’s not your fault. Trauma shapes our nervous system’s responses, often outside of our conscious awareness. The good news? Healing can help you feel safer in the present instead of being pulled back into the past.
3. You Feel Disconnected from Your Body
Sexual trauma, can make it hard to trust your own body. If your body responded to an unwanted or harmful experience with physical sensations, it may have left you feeling like your body betrayed you. This can create deep confusion and disconnection, making it difficult to listen to your body’s yes and no in the present. A huge part of enjoying sex is trusting your body—and when trauma has disrupted that trust, healing can help rebuild it.
4. You’ve Lost Interest in Sex
When sex is tied to painful memories or broken trust, it makes sense that your body and mind might shut down desire as a form of protection. But if you want to want sex with your partner—if you miss feeling excited about intimacy but just can’t seem to get there—it might be time to explore how past experiences are shaping your present.
5. You Struggle to Express Your Needs and Desires
Maybe you don’t know how to ask for what you want in bed. Maybe you’re not even sure what you want. Trauma can disrupt our sense of agency, making it hard to reconnect with personal desires. If sex has felt more about getting through it than truly experiencing it, healing can help you rediscover what feels good and safe for you.
The Good News: Sexual Trauma Can Be Healed
Sexual trauma doesn’t have to define your relationship with sex forever. Traumatic memories can be reprocessed, and the negative beliefs they left behind can be rewritten. Healing is possible.
I personally love using EMDR therapy to help people process trauma, especially sexual trauma. As a certified EMDR therapist and an AASECT-certified sex therapist, this work is my passion. If you have questions about what treatment might look like or how it could help, feel free to contact me here to set up a free 20-minute consultation.
You deserve a relationship with sex that feels safe, connected, and joyful. Healing can help you get there.
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