31 Jan

How do you speak to yourself?

Life Improvement, Self Help No Response

When you are thinking about yourself, what sort of thoughts run through your mind? If you don’t know, try to notice and pay attention the next time you find yourself speaking/thinking to yourself.

Ever notice yourself saying things like this:

  • ”Ugh, that was such a stupid thing to say. You can’t ever get anything right!”
  • ”No wonder people don’t like you.”
  • ”Wow, you look awful today.”
If you do find yourself saying these sorts of things to yourself, don’t beat yourself up. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t struggle with these thoughts sometimes.

I’m writing on this topic today for two reasons:

  • I want to combat the notion that you can’t change the way you speak to yourself.
  • I want to encourage people with little ones around to be careful about how you speak about yourself in front of them, and also how you speak to them.
From my experience, a wonderful way to change the way you speak to yourself involves attention and intention.
  • Pay attention to how you speak to yourself
  • Pay attention to how you feel when you speak to yourself in that way.
    • What emotions does this talk make you feel?
    • How does it impact the way your body feels?
Paying attention helps you notice what you are saying to yourself and how it impacts your day-to-day life! Want to change the way you speak to yourself? Here are some ideas:
  • Make an intention of how you would like to speak to yourself.
    • One authentic way to change how you speak to yourself involves validation instead of blaming. Example:
      • Instead of: “Ugh, you’re so sensitive, why does everything bother you so much?”
      • Try: “It’s ok that you’re upset- what just happened was really upsetting.”
      • Instead of: “I can’t believe you made that stupid mistake.”
      • Try: “That was super embarrassing, but it’s ok that mistakes happen.
    • Another tactic is to speak to yourself as an Older Version of yourself:
      • ” Mistakes are ok to make- you are going to make tons and everything will be ok!”
    • Or to speak to a Younger Version of yourself:
      • ”That’s ok, sweetie, you can make mistakes and I will still care for you.”

These changes are not easy, but taking some time to pay attention to how you speak to yourself can truly begin to improve your self-esteem.

I’ll save my thoughts about speaking to children for another time, but I’ll leave you with this thought. Little ones hear and absorb everything. They hear you speaking negativity about yourself and that teaches them how to also think about themselves.

How beautiful would it be to teach our little ones that it’s ok to think well of themselves?

Relationship Tips fro… January 12, 2019 Taking the Stress out… February 12, 2019