Ethical non-monogamy seems to be everywhere these days. When I first started my private practice specializing in sex therapy in Connecticut more than ten years ago, I was one of the only therapists in the area working with polyamorous couples. Back then, people weren’t even widely using the term ethical non-monogamy.

Sex Therapy in Connecticut

Fast forward a decade, and not only are many more therapists trained and comfortable supporting non-monogamous couples, but open relationships and polyamory have moved into the cultural mainstream. You see it in TV shows, movies, and everyday conversations. I think that shift is a good thing. The more we normalize different ways of being in relationships, the more we reduce stigma, increase safety, and make it easier for people to get support without shame.

But today I don’t want to talk about ethical non-monogamy. I want to talk about monogamy.

For a long time, monogamy has been seen as the default, the “normal” choice. Ethical non-monogamy was viewed as a departure from that norm. But what if we stopped thinking of them as opposites? What if we brought some of the intentionality of non-monogamy into monogamous relationships?

That’s what I mean when I talk about conscious monogamy.

What is Conscious Monogamy?

One of the hallmarks of ethical non-monogamy is that it is intentional. It doesn’t “just happen.” Couples who practice it spend time having hard conversations, negotiating boundaries, checking in regularly, and staying transparent. Trust, honesty, and communication are non-negotiable.

And shouldn’t the same be true for monogamy?

Conscious monogamy means you don’t just assume that monogamy is the default. You and your partner talk about what kind of relationship you want, and you both actively choose it. You have a conversation about what monogamy means to you, what fidelity looks like, and which boundaries matter most.

This shift from assumption to intention changes everything.

Why Conscious Monogamy Matters

When couples define monogamy consciously, they create a foundation of trust and honesty. Misunderstandings that might otherwise erode a relationship are avoided, because expectations are named and agreed upon. Infidelity becomes less likely, not because someone is “policing” the other person, but because the couple has already discussed what fidelity means and why it matters.

In consciously monogamous relationships, it’s normal to talk about whether both partners feel fulfilled and if needs are being met. These conversations happen early and often, before resentment builds or distance grows. By staying open, couples prevent the stories, assumptions, and unspoken frustrations that often drive disconnection.

Building Stronger Relationships

Ultimately, conscious monogamy is about communication and choice. It’s about deciding, together, what kind of partnership you want to create and revisiting that choice as life evolves. Whether you identify as monogamous or non-monogamous, the most important part is that your relationship is built on honesty, trust, and intention.

In my sex therapy practice in Connecticut, I’ve seen how transformative this approach can be. When couples step into monogamy consciously, they strengthen not only their commitment but also their sense of freedom and connection.

I’ll be honest, I’m a little cautious writing this blog. If everyone adopted conscious monogamy, I might be out of a job. But until then, if this is something you’d like to bring into your own relationship and you’d like some support, feel free to reach out.